Testimony of Marian and Vincent Bradley (Northern Ireland), “We are the parents of a child with special needs”

On the first day of the Pastoral Congress organized in Dublin at the World Meeting of Families (21-26 August), Marian and Vincent Bradley (Northern Ireland), gave their testimony as parents of a child with special needs. Already the parents of two children, Finola and Ronan (at the time 6 and 3 years old), they prepared the arrival of the third child sharing every moment of pregnancy “as a family” with their children. However, at the moment of the birth, something did not go as planned. There was an unexpected crisis, and the baby was immediately transported to the neonatal intensive care unit, even before she could meet the gaze of mom and dad. “That day, we entered a new and unknown world that had an alien language—they say—, a world that was not what we had not hoped for.” The language that was not that of diapers and pampering, but of monitors, doctors, nurses, sterile incubators, medical jargon, and medication. “We could only look on, helpless, lost in our fear,” they add.

After several weeks, the baby girl, named Meabh, came home. “No one had any idea how serious the damage to our daughter’s childhood was,” they say, “and what impact this would have on her life. It was a time of waiting and observing, while nobody gave us any hope. For them, our child had no chance and our lives would never be the same again.” “We left the hospital without flowers or balloons welcoming the new born child,” they add, “and some friends and neighbors, seeing us on the street, avoided us. That was the beginning of our new life, made of pain, losses, and challenges. It was a different and solitary path, together with very few people who have chosen to be with us.” At that moment, they felt the desire to take the Bible into their hands and ask God for some words to help them live this new life and support their small, beautiful and vulnerable child. They opened the Gospel and read the page that tells about Jesus’ encounter with Jairus: “Do not be afraid; believe in me, and she will be healed.” Since then, that phrase accompanies Marian and Vincent each day. “How could we keep working, pay the mortgage, make sure that Finola and Ronan had the lives we want for them?” they asked, “Would our marriage have survived this? Did God make a mistake by entrusting this child to us? None of us had medical training and, up to then, that was all that Meabh seemed to need.” They were in mourning but without the time to live it through. Little Meabh’s challenge changed the life of the whole family. It was, ultimately, an “isolated” family.

“There are many things that our family cannot do,” says Marian, adding, “nobody is interested or has the time to offer even a word of encouragement. In situations like these, even a kind word or a compassionate gesture would have made the difference. This new life has a cost: our careers have disappeared, holidays are impossible, we can’t go out for dinner or plan a trip. We can’t plan anything. The situation can change very quickly. And this is what most people do not even notice.” Yet, in all of this, Marian and Vincent have discovered that “there is nothing logical in a parent’s love: it is instinctive, powerful, energetic, dynamic, and fearless. It is a love that knows no limits.” Now, from “new” parents, Marian and Vincent have discovered that part of their “real work” is teaching people around them about the world of disability and care. “We started from a liturgy for children in our church—they say—; in fact, many of our children, because of their disability, do not receive religious education at school. And then, we started a SPRED program for those who have special needs in our parish.” “But the dream that the Lord had for us was still growing,” reveals Marian, “Our family has been transformed. Our journey costs effort, but also gives joy, a lot of joy and a lot of love. Our house is full of laughter. Meabh, who is totally dependent on us, is the center of the whole family. My heart lights up when I look at Vincent: his love is strong, he has tireless and overwhelming dedication and love for our three children are.” The other two children are also a part of this love; indeed, Ronan and Finola help their parents to care for Meabh. “They are the true heroes of our family,” Marian comments proudly.

“Meabh gives us a lot,” she adds, “She’s so much fun; she makes us laugh and jokes all the time. She has a great sense of humor and loves to play. With her language, she is an excellent communicator. Seeing each person as created in the image and likeness of God, whatever his or her disability may be, is a great gift, and we thank God for having given us that gift. We do not see a totally dependent and vulnerable girl in a wheelchair, but we see a beautiful young woman who is full of love and has incredible potential. We see the world transformed by her and by her presence.” Worries about the future are not lacking: What will happen to Meabh when her parents will no longer be there? Who will take care of her? “We have been asked to live in a world full of tenderness,” concludes Marian, “This is our dream, and we do not have to worry about who will love our child when that happens. We must leave everything in the hands of God, who is our family’s Father.”